Christopher J. Howell died at age 60 on June 3rd. His obituary was 48 words long. CJ, as we called him, was one of my high school and college friends and was a groomsman in my wedding 38 years ago. He stands tall, third from the left in one of our wedding photos, between his best friends, Rich and Jim. The photograph was taken in the Botanical Gardens in South Buffalo on a bright June afternoon. Yesterday, they laid Chris to rest just a few short miles south of where that picture was taken.
I must sadly admit that I lost touch with CJ and his wife Kathy shortly after our wedding in 1974. I accepted a position with the Southland Corporation that moved us to Connecticut and we returned to Buffalo only a few special occasions, that most people return for, births, baptisms, weddings, funerals and a few hospital visits. None of those trips involved a reunion with CJ. Now, that reunion in Buffalo will never occur.
I remember CJ as a quiet, insightful and funny individual, in love with both his wife Kathy and life itself. CJ was a golfer, a bowler, my tennis doubles partner and a really good friend. He lived his life quietly during high school and went out-of-town to college. He returned to Buffalo often during those years and we would all get together, mostly in local drinking establishments or on golf courses and tennis courts near our homes in Kenmore. After graduation, a few of us drifted away and I stopped attending these gatherings as I devoted all of my time to my marriage and job and later, raising a family.
One of my fondest memories always involves our high school bowling team. That team was truly special and talented and, like all other teams at Kenmore West in 1969-70, never lost a match. In my book, I relate the magical accomplishments of our team, but I can truly say, that without CJ, we never would have been successful. CJ never rolled even one frame with the Varsity team, a fact our coach later stated was the biggest regret he ever had as a coach. It was CJ’s efforts and selfless spirit on the JV team, however, that kept all of us going. He would frequently sidle over to our lanes to encourage us and root us to victory, all the while toiling away on the JV. He never complained, never griped, just always supported us. I agree with coach, he should have at least bowled a game with the varsity. He richly deserved that honor. Now, I will never be able to tell him how important he was to that very special team.
I have many other memories of the time I spent with CJ, but I am left to wonder what happened during those thirty years since I last talked to him. There are no children listed in his obituary, no family members are mentioned, just his brother. Nieces,nephews, grandparents are also missing. CJ, what was your life like during these past 30 years? The website that the funeral home established reveals pictures of Chris, with his best friends, Rich and Jim, but none with his wife. She is mentioned in the obituary, but is not present in the pictures that are displayed on the site. Did she take them? What happened to Chris’s father, the man who got both of us terrific summer jobs while we were in college? When did he pass on and why was he not mentioned in the obituary? I have so many questions that could have all been answered if I had just taken the time to make contact during one of my trips back to Buffalo. But, I didn’t and now I may never know the answers.
So much of life is a mystery and so little of it is really understood. We can look back on our lives and see where we made mistakes, or correctly anticipated what we need to accomplish in order to move on. Yet, so much of life happens in the blink of an eye. CJ was with us one day and now he is not. None of us are promised a given time to prepare for the end and we never know when all of our cards have been dealt. We know that the pack is getting lighter, but we always believe there are still a few more cards yet to be played. CJ’s deck ran out this month and I will never know how he played those final hands.
Christopher J. Howell died at age 60 on June 3rd. His obituary was 48 words long.