It is often the “little” things we do that make the most difference in the lives of the people we touch. Frequently, we do not even recall saying, doing or creating the “little”things that have made that huge difference. In my life, I do not even recall most of them and only became aware of them when that person I touched by doing what I thought were the “little” things were brought to my attention by the person whose life I “inadvertently” impacted. Every time I was made aware of what I had done, my first thought was “I did not think it was all that impactful.” In a few of those cases, I had to be convinced that I had really done what was being credited to me.
I believe now that is how it is meant to be. I also wonder how many other “little” things I have done that have made a difference for someone else. I also ponder how many things I have done, not by my own will, have negatively impacted someone else. I also understand and firmly believe that everyone has experienced those magical times when someone pulls you aside and whispers to you that what you have done have been so important to that person. It is very humbling, as I am sure you know, but it also leaves you wondering and thinking about the “little”things you do every day. How do they impact others? It has made me stop and think about my actions more often than I ever have in my past.
As a trainer of adults and a person who has conducted literally thousands of seminars over my career, I have become used to hearing from my participants how they have successfully used what I was training in their lives.. and it worked! That is no surprise to me, I created the seminars and workshops with that goal in mind, I have designed the learning to create that result and I have measured its impact with both the participant and the company they work for. In other words, that result was intended and I worked very hard to create it. If I did not produce those results, I would not be training very many people in the future. Those “success stories” are not what I am talking about here.
I am speaking about those wonderful moments when you are given credit for something you did, said or helped with, that positively affected the life of another human being. In my preparation for writing about this marvelous topic, I tried to recall the number of times this has happened to me and that number came to about a dozen events. The first time it happened to me, I still recall it vividly, even though it happened almost 25 years ago. Here is how it happened to me for the first time.
I had left a company, where I was the training director with a staff of three trainers who reported to me and where they conducted training that was ignored and even despised for their methods and inability to produce any results at all. I instituted processes and procedures that began producing results almost immediately, but these techniques were at odds with how things had been done in the past. While the regions and the people in those regions, were pleased that their people could now perform the tasks they never could before, my own staff, who I had inherited and had been responsible for the awful results of the past, resisted and even actively opposed both my methods and myself at every turn. I was not permitted, by my boss, to terminate these people, since they were “hard workers” who would not be able to work anywhere else. I firmly agreed and of course, this arrangement could simply not work and I left that company shortly after that directive.
Flash forward about 5 years and I am in a marvelous new position, with a wonderful company and I am in the middle of a seminar at a national training convention, in a beautiful city on the west coast. During a break in one of the sessions, I was approached at the coffee table by, you guessed it, the very trainer from that company who had opposed me the most and had made my life miserable day after day by her words and actions. She looked me directly in the eye and said “I am sorry. I was wrong when I worked for you at xxxx company.” “Your methods and what you were trying to teach me were so correct and I only learned in my next job after I was fired from xxx company.” (She had replaced me when I left.) “I went to yyy company and there, I realized I was wrong. I implemented your ideas and concepts, they worked, I was promoted and I am at this workshop to learn more about how to impact my company.” (I was conducting that workshop.) “What you tried to teach me was the right thing to do and now I understand what you were trying to teach me.” “Your ideas and concepts have changed my life.” “I am so sorry for what I did. Can you ever forgive me?”
Of course I forgave her. While my experience at that company was unbelieveably miserable and one of the worst experiences of my life, the job I took when I left, gave me exposure to the skills and qualities I would need to become the trainer I am today. It would not have happened if I had stayed at xxx company. I talked with her a little more before I had to complete the workshop; but during those 5 minutes, I really learned how much the “little” things can truly mean to another person. The concepts and ideas I was using at that company were pretty basic and should be common knowledge for any trainer of adults. I never realized how not having that knowledge, and then seeing and using it for the first time, could be difficult for someone who never believed or understood them before. I never knew that this information could transform a person so much. She even walked and talked differently. She had certainly been transformed…. and I barely recalled those moments until she brought them to light again during that coffee break.
I have about 11 other examples that I will not discuss here; but I do know that these moments happen much more frequently than I ever believed possible. I also know that this has happened to me and I have said those very words to other mentors, coaches, parents, relatives and friends. I also know that I have not said “Thank you.” nearly enough to those people who have impacted my life; and for many, like me, without even knowing it. I now have a new mission.
With the time I have left in my life I am going to tell those impactful people how much what they have done for me has meant to me, my family and my life. I have postponed this for far too long, and regretably, some of those important people are no longer with us. I cannot delay andy longer to let them know that what they did made a real difference in my life. We must all begin to tell those people now, because often, there is no time left and not knowing would be a great tragedy.
I also now realize that I need to be more careful about what I say and do because someone is certainly watching and learning. My father used to joke that I should “Do what I say, not what I do.” I now realize he was trying to teach me that it is often the “little” things, the smile when it is most needed, the pat on the back when someone is down, the call to a friend who really needs someone to listen to and the visit to the sick friend who has no one,that could be the most important tasks I ever perform today. I now actively seek out those “little” things that used to pass me by, that I now seize and act upon. I am much quicker to compliment, much more willing to say,”Sure, I can stop by to talk,” than I ever have been in the past. I think more about what I say and how it could impact the person I am talking to and I now actively seek out opporutnities to help, where I would have certainly said “no” in the past.
It truly is the “little” things we do that can have the greatest impact on somoene else and it very well could mean everything to someone who needs those” little” things in their life today. Little is in the eye of the beholder. “Little” can often be very, very big indeed.