I first read Henry David Thoreau in 10th grade. I must admit, I was forced to read him by my English teacher, a stern woman who firmly believed that taking any pleasure out of life was totally wrong and that you should go through life with a scowl on your face and a solid work ethic in your heart. It seemed strange to me that she would demand we all read Thoreau, but I did and was completely fascinated by one sentence he wrote,namely that, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” Then, as now, I believe that is one of the saddest statements I have ever read. But, as I have learned over the years, it is unfortunately very, very true.
A friend of mine, a professional colleague, who is still the best instructor and facilitator I have ever known, died while on a business trip to North Carolina twenty years ago. I still remember receiving the call while I, myself, was on a business trip to Boston. My initial reaction was that his passing was truly a tragedy since he left behind three children under the age of five and a wife who adored both him and the life they were leading together. He had so much life yet to live and so many things that would now be forever incomplete. I thought how cruel and unfair his death was and that his children would never know their father.
Bob was supremely gifted at presenting and teaching and could instantly mesmerize a room with his considerable skills and talents. He also was a “thespian” as he would often remind us, and even performed in several off-Broadway productions. His humor and kind spirit made everyone who met him an immediate friend and his contributions to the field of training and development were immeasurable. You always left a meeting with him feeling that you could conquer the world. Everyone who knew Bob lost something that could never be replaced the day he passed on.
Now, over two decades since his death, I have come to understand that while Bob’s passing was indeed a tragedy, especially for his family, he at least had the chance to play all his songs; techniques that I remember and use to this day. The way he prepared for a presentation, the talent he had for injecting just the right amount of humor into a training seminar, the ingenious things he did to get his students to apply their knowledge back on the job; those skills with every class I teach. I am confident that other people who also knew and learned from Bob will relate similar stories. He did not go to his grave with his song still in him, and his life was by no means a life of quiet desperation. Bob lived large and laughed often. It was not Bob who Thoreau was speaking of when he first wrote those words in the 19th century.
Rather,Thoreau speaks about the countless people who go about their lives every day, working at jobs they hate, dealing with people and events they cannot tolerate; all the time wishing they were somewhere else and doing something else entirely. These sad souls dread each and every minute of their work day and then go home to a family they do not love or a house that is not really a home. Talents and loves they really have are suppressed; all with the idea that “Someday things will be better.” But things never change and that magical day never arrives. These people almost never complain,they never speak up, but you can see it in their expressions and it sometimes is hinted at in conversations with friends and co-workers if you truly take the time to really listen. Yet, every single day, they repeat their same dreaded routines and life goes on with nothing really ever changing.
Do not let yourself become one of these sad and miserable people. I suspect that most of these folks never wanted to become what they slowly grew to be, but relentlessly, day after day,week after week, they came to be locked into a prison of their own making. Once there, the sentence was clear and they adapted to a life they never imagined and certainly never wanted.The keys to their prison cells were lost.
Seek to avoid a life of quiet desperation by living as Bob did. Enjoy every day as if it were your last and use all of the talents and gifts you have been given and that are uniquely your own. Grasp life by the horns and spend all of your time doing things you are really good at and doing things you really want to do. Live life this way and you will not spend one second lamenting your sorry conditions and your song will gush forth from you each and every day.
By the way, Bob died on an assignment he had dreamed of, doing exactly what he wanted to do, with the people he enjoyed the most. He was on his way to yet another seminar that I am certain would have been a resounding success. After all, he was a thespian, and what a better place for a thespian to die than on the stage. I am sure the angels were applauding and there most definitely was a curtain call.